by Elaine Lindridge.
The challenging title of the book ‘Do I Stay A Christian?[1]’ caught my eye in the bookshop and even as I bought it I knew it would not be an easy read.
I’ve read several books by the author (Brian McLaren) and have found that he often addresses questions I have been trying to verbalise. This book states that it is ‘a guide for the doubters, the disappointed and the disillusioned’. Part One; entitled ‘No’ gives reasons why not to remain a Christian, whilst Part Two ‘Yes’ gives reasons to remain. It was the final Part 3 that I found the most helpful as McLaren addresses the question of ’How?’.
As I journeyed slowly through the book I found it almost excruciating to recall our chequered Christian history of colonialism, violence, failure and toxicity. There was nothing new to me in these chapters but to have them all together literally in black and white before me was incredibly sobering.
The chapters giving reasons to stay a Christian managed to avoid a saccharin like hope that is not build on any realism. One chapter boldly states that leaving defiantly or staying compliantly are not our only options. I like that!
‘Renounce and Announce’ is the title of one of the final chapters that addresses the question of ‘how’ to remain a Christian. McLaren talks of ‘coming out’ as being one of the many gifts our LGBTQ siblings have given us[2]. In ‘coming out’ an individual announces that ‘you have thought of me one way, but I have come to understand myself in a different way, and I want to let you know’. He then goes on to encourage the reader to consider how they might ‘come out’ as one who decides to leave Christianity or remain a Christian in a constructive way.
So here is my ‘coming out’ announcement.
I have changed. Those who know me personally may have thought of me in one way, but I have come to understand myself in a different way. For me the term ‘Christian’ carries as many negative as positive connotations and at times I’m not keen to own it. Orthodoxy has become a fluid term, as I’m not sure what I believe anymore – but I’m content with that.
This all has the danger of sounding like negative introspection and of endorsing an unhelpful individuality, all of which I would certainly want to avoid.
Some might find it shocking that as a Presbyter in the Methodist Church I could ever have even entertained the idea of not remaining a Christian but let me tell you – I’m not the only one. I am regularly finding myself in conversations with others who are (as the book says) doubters, disappointed and disillusioned, although to be fair that is often aimed at the church and not at God. Yet in the midst of that they are meeting God in deeper ways as they seek to make sense of their new reality. In a sense, new communities of god-seekers are emerging. Let me assure you that whilst I might at times struggle with the title ‘Christian’ and all the baggage that goes with it, it does not equate that I am not still deeply attracted to the life of Jesus. I seek to encounter God in my daily life and look for ways to share this universal love with others. I feel like I have been born again…again. Some of the old me has died and something new has come to life. Prayer, meditation, contemplation has become more accessible and I sense God more profoundly and abundantly than ever.
The purpose of this blog is to raise a flag that says ‘I’m here’. If you have been experiencing something similar, please know that you are not alone. My hope and prayer is that the Methodist Church (and the wider church) can keep its arms of love and acceptance boldly open to those who are seeking to remain Christian. We might not fit quite as neatly into the Christian box or into the Church’s idea of what it means to be a Jesus follower, but we’re still here.
I hand back over to Brian McLaren for the final word,
‘If others reject us or prefer that we leave, so be it. In the long run, we will find it better to be rejected for who we are than accepted for who we aren’t. Whether we have shifted out of Christianity entirely or into a new kind of Christianity, we have to be courageous enough to come out of our closets and go public, not minimising the change, not feeling embarrassed about who we are becoming, not hiding our light under a bushel of polite ambiguity’. [3]
May God’s blessing be upon each reader.
[1] Do I Stay A Christian? Brian McLaren. Hodder & Stoughton 2022
[2] p.280
[3] p.284
Theology Everywhere 
Thank you for this thought-provoking start to an otherwise gloomy late October Monday morning. Someone who used to be a churchwarden but no longer attends church said to me the other day, reflecting on the day’s newspaper headlines with an ever more horrible picture of the state of the world ‘It’s all because of different religions.’ He is one of the kindest and most genuine people I know (and I know a lot of kind and genuine people both in and out of the church) but where do you begin to discuss that statement in the face of today’s reality in a way that doesn’t sound facile? Not sure whether I can tackle Brian McLaren’s book, and I remain a follower of The Way with all sorts of reservations about the words we all use on Sundays, but again, thank you for YOUR statement.
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Josie, I think you would really like McLaren’s book, happy to pop it in the post for you, you are always a thinker, and definitely a follower of The Way .
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Thank you for this post. During lockdown, having a lot of time for introspection and meditation, I felt a change in my theological outlook. As one brought up as a Calvinistic Methodist with heavy evangelical overtones, and also facing two situations in life, which tested my belief, I questioned my adherence to Chistianity. I was no longer filled with certainty. Not going to church also gave me freedom to worship in a way that was different. I’m still on the path of discovery and have found a freedom I haven’t really had over the years. I think I need to read this book. Bless you.
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Hi from another Methodist Presbyter who could have written something similar. Your post affirms the importance of being true to self and the subtle complexities of a response more nuanced than a binary yes/no would permit. Borg’s phrase about the ‘emerging paradigm’ of Christianity, compared to its ‘earlier paradigm’, is also helpful.
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Thank you Elaine. You have spoken for me.
I am a lifelong Methodist – now a Circuit Steward who is unable to attend in person. (Covid plus health challenges plus a bit of preference). I attend Church online – one Methodist and one other. I am also active in initating online ‘stuff’ – Church and Circuit as I am able remotely. I attend Meetings online if there is access. (so much for Inclusion!!)
I am a long time reader of Brian McLaren and CAC Meditations and podcasts etc.
I have not ‘come out’ yet!! It is a question I have been heart-searching.
I feel very alone…..
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Hi Margaret. Thank you for your comment. It sounds like you’re doing a lot of heart searching. I’m so sorry you’re feeling alone. I appreciate how difficult it can be to do the heart work and hope you know God’s peace and companionship.
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Thank you, Elaine.
I sympathise with Robert’s question about the possibility of making changes from the inside ( for me – of my beloved Methodist Church) or walking away.
The question of ‘coming out’ is not happening except in very trusted small circumstances. That helps.
M – <
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Thank you Elaine. I haven’t read this but have downloaded it now. Other writing from BM has “hit the spot” and it looks as though this one does too,
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Thanks for this Elaine, like you I have read this book and so much resonated for me. My faith has changed so much, I have had to grapple with my image of God, and even considered leaving ministry because I could no longer hold to the beliefs I had once. That said I have become more passionate about following Jesus, and my faith in God has shifted and deepened, it is not an easy faith, but it is a real one.
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Elaine, thank you for this post. I have read several of Brian McLaren’s books and heard him speak at Greenbelt several times but I have not read this one yet.
Thank you for sharing your ‘coming out statement’ and making me think about how useful an analogy ‘coming out’ is for both becoming a Christian initially, and for stages on the journey of faith and doubt.
I am at a point in my career where I might need to change direction after 40 years as a healthcare professional and for various reasons I am thinking a lot about what people see me as and what I really am, so this post has helped several dimensions of life at the moment.
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I admire your honesty and courage Elaine. In the 1950’s a girl I met at the Youth Club told me that she was being systematically abused by her father. She had gone to the Minister for help and been told that she must repent of HER sins, God would love her and all would be well, SHE would be forgiven and she should and could forgive her father! A week later she cut her wrists and died. This event has stayed with me. I take it that the Minister thought that the love of God was conditional on repentance and this justified his judgmentalism. Some people sincerely believe in this idea that we are born sinners, and are evil sinners most of the time, and need to “repent” so we can be “saved”. But this message is irrelevant to us and makes things worse when we arrive at church feeling vulnerable and anxious because of circumstances such as bereavement, illness, poverty or abuse. The message implies that we are unacceptable to God as we are and that the love of God is conditional. This is harmful “Christianity” and I would go further and state that to present this message from the pulpit is abuse.
I consider myself to be a Christian in that I follow Jesus, but abhor this sort of harmful and loveless “Christianity”. I attend church and live by the Second Great Commandment, but often turn to Richard Rohr or Caputo if I need to hear a positive message. I suppose I am hoping and suggesting that I/we can change Church orthodoxy from the inside rather than walking away. Do you think that is possible, or likely?
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Goodness Robert….’can we change Church orthodoxy from the inside’ is a question and a half! My gut reaction is ‘yes’ but it’s obviously not without huge difficulties, risks and sacrifice.
Having said that – the evil you talk about in the story about the girl you met has nothing to do with orthodoxy. That was just wrong in every way and ALWAYS needs calling out.
I think there’s a lot of unlearning that needs to happen and we can certainly help with that. So for example, I’d be keen to start with helping folk to unlearn the concept of original sin.
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I am so pleased that you would want folk to begin unlearning, especially regarding original sin, I have been preaching original goodness for years, and like Robert often turn to Rohr and others for guidance. I suspect there are many of us on this journey.
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Goodness Robert, my heart goes out to you over that experience, what an awful thing to happen, and that poor girl, when she needed acceptance and reassurance she was met with condemnation. Like Elaine, I don’t see such abuse as orthodoxy, it was misjudged at best, and an appalling response to someone seeking help. I hope that by preaching love, inclusion and acceptance that we can change church orthodoxy, I wonder how many of us are on this journey, I suspect it is more than we think!
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Hi, someone just sent me a link to your blog, and I very much resonate with this. I have read Brian’s book, and I was glad that he acknowledged that some people have been damaged too much to stay. I’m one of those. Being told how bad you are, from an early age, because your parents are desperate for you to be “saved”. “Born in sin and shapen in iniquity”, was quoted like it was the words of Jesus!
It has taken me 60+ years to recognise the harm. I continue to follow Jesus, but go to church and sing about the blood of Jesus, and how I pursued him to death? Definitely not. Thank you for writing this, it’s good to not feel alone.
Alison Terrell
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Thank you for sharing some of your story Alison. You are most certainly not along.
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Traditionalists contend that the Christian faith was “delivered once and for all” and is thus immutable. This denies the clear evidence of how faith changes over time. There is progression from Abraham’s relationship with the God of the mountains, through the jealous tribal God of Moses, to the universal Father God Jesus taught to his disciples. Christianity also developed from the pre-Nicaea years, through the mediaeval church and the Reformation to the Evangelical Revival. (If the 2,000 years of Christianity were to be compressed into one day, then as late as five pm people were being burnt alive by church authorities for reading the bible in their own language.) The movement from inter-denominational bitterness to ecumenical co-operation has occurred within my lifetime. Rather than having the final revelation from God, Christianity is still in a process of change, whether we recognise it or not.
We might expect that descriptions of God and his actions would reflect our current understanding of the cosmos, biblical scholarship and human psychology – whilst respecting the way faith was expressed in earlier times. Yet an emphasis on beliefs, rather than on relationships makes it difficult for churches to adapt to the explosion of knowledge over the last century and to changes in culture. As a result churches in Western Europe are experiencing heavy falls in attendances and a loss of credibility and social influence. We talk to a people with no experience of enslavement of being “redeemed from the slavery of sin.” We speak of God’s atoning sacrifice in Jesus to a generation that equates animal and human sacrifice with primitive superstitions. We preach of penal substitution being necessary to satisfy God’s wrath two generations after this country abolished the death penalty as unacceptable. Torture is regarded as barbaric. Many remember the widespread preaching about hell-fire that took place up to the middle of the last century and which some still consider to be mainstream church doctrine. Non-church-goers find the idea of ordinary non-Christians being tortured throughout eternity repellent.
We need to revise the images we use, to learn from science the concept of standing on the shoulders of giants and to recognize that questioning ideas and building on the past is an integral part of a developing faith. We also have to learn that faith is caught rather than taught; one demonstration of love in action is worth 100 sermons.
As individuals we should also be open to faith development at a personal level over time. Professor James Fowler has postulated3 that there are stages in faith development that reflect the long-recognized stages in intellectual, social and personal development. Religious leaders are often very effective at helping their members to move through the early stages of faith development to the point of commitment. Many seem far less skilled in supporting those who are ready to progress further. A friend of mine described attending church as like being kept down in Class 2 year after year and always repeating studies at the same level. Some people leave formal religion because they outgrow the image of God from their childhood and they have never been helped to progress beyond that level of understanding to one more appropriate to their stage of maturing spirituality. As J.B. Phillips recognized over 50 years ago4, these people are rejecting a “God who is too small”. There is an understandable reluctance among many religious leaders to accept the questioning of doctrines. This is more likely to be seen as a loss of faith or as a challenge to the church’s authority than as a necessary part of progressing spiritually.
Professor Fowler suggests that the final stage in faith development is a universalizing faith that transcends the limitations and conceptions of one’s own tradition and culture and is ready for fellowship and co-operation across faiths. The few who achieve this stage are “grounded in a oneness with the power of being or God” and their visions seem to free them from the paradoxes and polarities for a passionate spending of the self in love and a commitment to overcoming division and oppression that anticipate an in-breaking of God’s commonwealth of love and justice. Challenging existing power bases is never easy. Since such people work across and beyond existing religious traditions, they can be seen as subversive of those structures which promise the security of salvation and God’s protection. They may even suffer the consequences of this through being ostracised or worse.
What these people have realized is that faith is about far more than assuring one’s own survival and salvation and gaining God’s favour during this life; that in a true relationship of love, one is more concerned about what one gives than what one receives. They have recognized that it is more important that someone’s beliefs are inclusive, life-affirming and healing and that they live these out and allow God to work through them than that they share our beliefs. We face a range of evils within our world, including serious political, ecological, humanitarian, and economic crises; and religious fundamentalism is one of the problems. It is important to appreciate that all those whose lives are contributing to the furtherance of the realm of God and to the defeat of evil – even if they don’t understand it in those terms – are our allies.
If God is Spirit and has to be worshipped in spirit and in truth, we are never going to encapsulate him in a catechism. Let’s get back to a proper emphasis on those dimensions of faith which are focused on love of God and love of others. After all those first Christians who had a strong enough faith to die in the Coliseum had never heard of the Trinity or the Nicene Creed and many were illiterate and never read any of the books that would later be included in the bible. But their trusting relationship with God and their loving compassion, not only within their own fellowship but to all those in need, showed that they had a faith worth having.
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This resonated with me. And what a response the original piece has generated. Obviously struck a chord with a lot of us.
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Excellent Pavel! I particularly like the suggestion you and Fowler make that apostasy is part of our faith journey. Wonder if the universalising faith that Fowler identifies as the final stage in faith development is to follow Jesus in adopting an ethical spirituality that orientates the self towards the needs of others. This of course would be universal and like Rohr we would be identifying Christ as the universal spirit of goodness and love in which we live, move and have our being. The problem with this is that Jesus would no longer be the unique expression of Christ. Another problem (that I placed on Peskie) is that following Jesus is not straightforward because there seems to be two versions of Jesus presented to us in the bible, the judgmental, exclusive version that talks of separating the “sheep from the goats” or demanding repentance, before we can be forgiven, and the Christ of absolute unconditional love that welcomes sinners, prostitutes, Roman soldiers, tax collectors etc. and even argumentative idiots like me.
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While I identify as a Christian, I resonate more as a messianic Jew. Jesus said He did not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it. I follow Jesus as a Gentile, but spiritually identify as an Israelite. I also continue to worship God on Shabbat and follow the dietary laws in Scripture.
I am not works based driven. I am saved by grace through faith in Christ’s atoning work. However, because I am saved, I obey Torah. I think this holistic outlook is missing in modern Christendom.
It is my hope and prayer that Christians, who follow Christ, can look more deeply into their Hebrew roots. Shalom (Peace to you)!
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